So I went to pick up Hannah from her childminding house, which was on a quiet street near the downs. It has been cold here for about 2 weeks so the small streets are very icy due to all the snow, ice and frozen-ness that's around.
I was required to be there at 7pm so I got there at approximately 7pm being the dependable man I am, after getting petrol for my car which was running low and had been sitting in the snow un-moving for 2 weeks.
So I stop by the side of the road and give Hannah a call to let her know I'm here. She only lets it ring 4 times and hangs up so I figure she's on her way, and I might aswell utilise my time by turning the car around as I'll have to do that anyway, with Hannah or without (even though Hannah does admire my 3 point turns).
Lest us forget that I had some sausages cooking in the oven at home which were part of our sausages, soup, bread, rocket and cheese dinner. Any delays to this car journey could spell tragedy for the taste of the sausages and also the lives of my unsuspecting housemates who were living next to an unattended sausage timebomb, ready to explode in a good few hours.
Anyway, so I check my mirrors, check my blind spots, check my hair and reverse to the left, all's good. I then go forwards to the right, all seems fine. Due to the camber of the road, the car (Jackson-Shirley) has nestled it's front wheels into the gutter, I have no problems with this.
I skillfully flick the gear stick into reverse, look behind me, set the accelerater, delicately release the clutch, and it's wheel-spin 'o' clock. Turns out the front wheels are nestled nicely on some icey gutter frozen-ness.
Oh no, sausages, Hannah, hair, so much to worry about, so little time!
I remember what they teach you in skills-school. If you wheel-spin in 1st gear, try 2nd gear, less torque, more traction on ice. Then I remembered that I only have 1 reverse gear, gutted! There's a wall in front of me so there's no option of going forwards.
Anyway, so I notice a nearby skip, I hop out and grab some long, thin pieces of wood and nestle them under the front wheels. I attempt to reverse as slowly as possible, using all of my extensive clutch skills, but all that results in is some burning wood smells.
Lest us forget that Hannah has now come outside and surveyed the scene, there are sausages in the oven and my housemates are completely unaware that any of this is happening!
Anyway, so eventually I got a bigger piece of wood which could go behind both wheels at once, then I reversed a little bit and managed to go back enough so that I had space in front of me to go forwards and right, avoiding the wall. The sausages were perfect and I've patented an idea for a car with 2 reverse gears, everyone's a winner, well done!
I was going to say I might not read this ever because I usually think less of people after reading their blogs. Actually though, this seems almost written for me (& Barx, who is the same person anyway). My only criticism is that the story did not come to enough of a rolling stop. I would have cherished a fuller description of how the sausages were quite good but the reason they weren't better was to do with your oven, not the car incident.
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